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Through my healing journey of grief (yes, it’s been 3 years and I am still grieving), I look to stories, authors, and self-help books that relate to grief, growth, feminism, and social justice. For Christmas, I told my husband that really wanted a book called “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle. He had never heard of her. I only knew her through Instagram and listening to a few of her TedTalks. As I was eagerly reading her inspiring words, there is a story about Mona Lisa. It screamed to me. A story of a woman who lived over 500 years ago who I now connected to through our grief.
As I was in bed reading, there was a part in the book about the painting of Mona Lisa. Glennon Doyle said that while she was looking at the painting in France and a woman approached her and said, “do you want to hear a theory about her smile?”. She was told that Mona Lisa and her husband had “lost” a baby. Then after the birth of their second child, her husband commissioned Leonardo Da Vinci to paint her. But Mona Lisa refused to smile.
I read that story over and over again.
Finally, I felt seen, I felt comforted, I felt connected because of grief.
I am intrigued by her story.
There are many conflicting stories and theories that go along with why she isn’t smiling. But the story that resonates most with me is that she refused to smile because she was grieving.
Apparently, while she was being painted, she had jokers, jugglers who tried to make her smile wider for the painting. Finally, Leonardo asked her why she wouldn’t smile. She had apparently told Leonardo Da Vinci that she did not want the joy she felt of having her living child to erase the pain of losing her first.
Wow, do I get it. I get the guilt of being happy to have a living child that you love so deeply. But I also understand how the death of a child (or in my case two) is a pain that never seems to subside. It does something, almost physical, that makes you stand out from other mothers. The grief sets you aside. But the grief also connects you to other mothers, like Mona Lisa.
Of course, I had to look at other sources of this. An article from The Globe and Mail suggests that the painting was altered. It was alleged that originally Mona Lisa was wearing a black veil, suggesting that despite celebrating the birth of her child she was still in mourning. The story goes on to say that because the painting wasn’t paid for, Da Vince changed it. Taking away the veil but keeping the emotion stoic. Today, this image is one of the most recognized paintings in the world.
Before I looked deeper into her portrait, I just saw a woman unamused in a painting. What I see now is a mother’s grief. Her pain (notice the word “pain” is in painting). The guilt of feeling happy while her heart was torn into pieces trying to repair itself with the joy of another baby. This is a painting that countless mothers like you and I can relate and connect to. A feeling of incredible pain, while holding on to gratitude. It’s confusing, yet it makes sense.
I feel like I am connected to the famous Mona Lisa through our grief. As her life continued, I hope she was able to find some peace amongst her grief. Even 500 years later her grief is seen and admirably respected from one grieving mother to another.
